You’re Jewish and just learned that you are pregnant with a boy. Or, you didn’t know it would be a boy, and your son was just born. It is a part of the Jewish tradition to circumcise the baby boy on the eighth day of his life. This is called a “brit milah” or a “bris” (if one is from an Ashkenazi background).

How do you go about organizing a brit milah?
What do you need to know?
What do you have to do? 

Here are the basics.

When does it happen? 

First, Jewish circumcision of the foreskin of Jewish boys is performed on the eighth day of his life (usually in the morning). God commands us to circumcise on the eighth day as it is written: “And throughout the generations, every male among you shall be circumcised at the age of eight days.” (Genesis 17:12). 

It’s almost always done on the eighth day, even if the eighth day is Shabbat or Yom Kippur. The only exception is if the boy is ill or has a medical reason to delay. For example, if the boy is born premature, or has jaundice, or a medical professional recommends a delay, the bris is delayed until he has returned to full health. 

Why on the Eighth Day? 

Rabbi Ovadia Sforno explains that on the eighth day, the baby’s blood has become his own, independent of his mother’s blood. Therefore, after seven days, he is fully separated from his mother’s body and can now enter the covenant. 

The Zohar explains that the soul of the baby is not entered into the body until the eighth day. The brit milah, according to this mystical view, enables the soul and the body to unite, and he becomes connected to the presence of God that persists in all existence. 

Also, the eighth day is the one day in his entire life when his body will have the highest amount of blood-clotting vitamin K (even if he lives to be 100).

What are the spiritual reasons for Brit Milah? 

The brit milah is both a symbol of and an embodiment of character traits including kindness, humility, generosity, modesty, restraint, respect for women and girls, having an open heart, and being someone who channels God’s love and light into the world (as explained in my book, Sacred Insignia on the subject of Brit Milah). Thus, when you give your son a brit milah, you are expressing your intention and commitment to raising your son to become a man who embodies these qualities. 

It is also a symbol and an embodiment of being opposed to sexual immorality, including adultery, lascivious behavior, and sexual abuse. 

Who performs a Brit Milah? 

It is the parents’ mitzvah (obligation) to circumcise their sons. Unless the parent is a mohel or a medical doctor, parents typically delegate this mitzvah to a mohel. A mohel is the one who performs the brit milah on the baby. 

A mohel is exceptionally well-trained and experienced, whose first and utmost responsibility is the safety of the child and ensuring that the boy will heal completely and quickly. It is also a mitzvah for the mohel to make the brit milah beautiful. The mohel should be Jewish and Shabbat-observant. 

Your next step is to call the mohel and make a plan about where and when the brit milah will occur. 

In addition, it is good to discuss your wishes with the mohel. These include where it will occur, who will lead or officiate the ceremony, whether the baby will be held on the lap of the sandak or in a cradle on a table, and  metzizah (suctioning the blood, which is something that is not done in most communities.) On the contrary, most mohels use a brand new sterile cloth to clean the wound. 

The mohel will surely follow your wishes, but it is best to express your wishes clearly and to talk about them beforehand. I recommend that metzizah should not be performed because it poses a risk to the health of the baby. (A detailed discussion of this can be found in my book.) Other elements of the ceremony such as singing a niggun and saying a few remarks should also be discussed. 

Where does a Brit Milah occur? 

The ceremony is usually conducted at home or in the synagogue. It can be conducted in a hospital or other medical facility, but it is preferable to have it at home or in synagogue so that it can occur in a beautiful and sacred setting. 

The reason for this is that this ceremony is much more meaningful than a medical procedure. It is a spiritual, beautiful, and meaningful rite of passage for the soul of your son. During the ceremony, his soul and his body become connected and a firm connection is made between him and God. Therefore, you should have it in a place that feels sacred. 

Should you invite Guests?

Inviting guests is optional. If you want to invite others, try to do that ahead of time so that they can be witness to this powerful rite of passage and celebrate with you. If it is in a synagogue, the brit milah is sometimes incorporated into the morning prayer service. It is customary to provide a celebratory meal after the ceremony for everyone in attendance.

What roles are there?

The Sandak

Choose someone to be the sandak (or sandek in Yiddish) who will be responsible for holding the baby during the brit milah. Spiritually, the good qualities of the sandak are passed on to the child, so it should be someone special who is of high moral character. 

Many people honor one of the boy’s grandfathers with the role of sandak, but it can be anyone. The sandak conveys the nature of being a loving, generous, kind, strong, disciplined, and loyal person who will love this boy and guide him through life, modeling these qualities. The sandak wears a tallit (prayer shawl) during the ceremony and sits in an honored chair.  Choose a special chair for the sandak to sit in. 

The “Sandeka” or “Kvatter”

The mother of the baby usually carries the child to the room and then places the child in the arms of the “Sandeka” or “Kvatter” and is chosen by the parents. Often, the baby is carried by this person on a pillow to the place of the bris. This person who carries the baby is often the sandak’s wife (in which case she is called the “sandeka,”) though it can be someone else such as an older sister or a husband and wife team.

Beautifying the Setting

If the brit milah will occur at home or in the synagogue, you can do little things to create a feeling of sacredness. Some people have a tradition of lighting many candles in the room. Others have a tradition of placing fresh flower petals on the floor of the room on the morning of the bris. 

Choose a special chair designated for the prophet Elijah to sit in during the ceremony as he attends every brit milah. Some people have a tradition of decorating the chair of Elijah with many colorful fabrics, and some people drape his chair with a curtain that has the name of Elijah (in Hebrew) stitched into the fabric. 

Preparations before the Brit Milah 

During the night before the ceremony, some people have a custom of reading from the Zohar  to learn about the mystical qualities of the bris. My book, Sacred Insignia, can be  a useful source of learning about the mystical and practical aspects. 

Bring a bottle of kosher wine (and remove the cork) and a special cup to hold the wine so that a blessing may be said. Some traditions also have aromatic herbs in the ceremony. Some people use myrtle, and others use dried rose petals. 

On the morning of the ceremony, you are encouraged to get into a quiet and calm space inside your body. Talk to your son and tell him what will happen. You can put an analgesic cream on the foreskin (prescribed by a doctor) about an hour before the ceremony. 

Know and trust that he wants a brit milah because he wants his soul to be connected to his body. Trust that he wants a brit milah because he wants to be connected to the Jewish people, to God, and your family. 

Some people want a certificate of the brit milah signed by the mohel and the rabbi if one is present. This should be ready for signing after the ceremony.

The Ceremony Itself 

Anyone can lead or officiate the ceremony. It can be a rabbi, or the mohel, or someone else. The actual surgery usually takes less than one minute when it is done at home or in a synagogue. I’ve seen the preparations take longer in a hospital. There are blessings before and after that are said and prayers that are prayed, so the entire ceremony, from start to finish, can be 20 to 25 minutes.

In addition to the traditional prayers, you can find the words of the ceremony and suggestions for a peaceful, spiritual, meaningful, and beautiful ceremony in my book. 

One impactful tradition that I suggest is that the boy be held by the Sandak and covered with a soft blanket, and that he is not uncovered until the last minute so that he is warm and comfortable while preparations are being made. 

Explain to everyone gathered that this is a rite of passage for the soul of your son. Ask them to join you in singing a niggun and in closing their eyes during the surgery part of the ceremony so that the boy is given dignity, and to be spiritually present to the awesome wonder of bringing a new child into the community and into a relationship with the Creator.

What happens after the Ceremony?

A celebration meal is enjoyed afterward, to which the guests are invited. Several special blessings are added to the Birkat HaMazon, the grace after meals. In some communities, the sandak gives blessings to anyone who asks after the ceremony. Most mohels will provide you instructions on how to care for your child after the brit milah. The boy is typically completely healed within ten days.